Tag Archives: believe

62: Blog Pictorial

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Aloha,

This blog will be a little different, as it will not be attached to social media. This will be a pictorial blog of my progress, since my last revision in late April.

 

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This is NOT infected, fibrous tissue was removed to help the healing process.second.jpg

This is how it looked after the debridement. My husband did really good in my wound care, he was instructed by my Plastic Surgeon how to care for it.

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This is a healing slow due to the 29 rounds of Radiation Therapy I had May-June of 2016. The latent effects of radiation treatment is the gift that keeps on giving. And because my treatment was on my left side, five years post radiation I will start seeing a Cardiologist, (add that to my long list of doctors)fourth.jpg

Got to LOVE my husband.fifth.jpg

Its coming along……remember that my left breast implant was removed on April 4th, and here we are in the month of June…this is not infected…it is actually healing really nice (finally)seventh.jpg

Skip to the month of July….from an original April surgery. My surgeon has given my the okay to get in our salt water pool ……YAY!eigth.jpg

Here we are three months after the left breast implant was removed. The trifurcation area of the scar is coming along. July 6th I met with my PS, he is pleased with the progress and my next surgery has been set…October 11th I will have my Diep flap surgery . Throughout this healing process, I have managed to avoid infection, by little home projects, caring and intertaining a four year old….Hulu and Netflix!!!

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#61 Another Revision!

Well, my surgery went well…the left breast implant was removed along with all the excess radiated skin……so much for a “skin sparring Mastectomy ! I feel I should have blogged earlier but I kept thinking, I will blog after this post op appointment. However to date I have had three follow-up appointments. My surgeon kept my drainage tube in for two weeks because at my first post op the daily fluid output was more than 25cc’s.

On April 16th, I had my annual Bone Density and a CT of the lungs for that little nodule that the doctors have been monitoring. Well GREAT news, my Oncologist, Dr. Ho from the  Palm Springs Comprehensive Cancer Center told me that the nodule is stable and has not grown, he will continue to monitor it annually. And my DEXA (Bone Density Test) is also good…I was so happy with that news!

On April 20th, my sidekick (drainage tube) was removed. However that week my incision where it all joins started to seep and open! REALLY could this possibly be happening again! My Plastic Surgeon wanted me back the following week to keep a close eye on it. Which that appointment was just last week on April 27th.

I would like to back up to April 25th. On the 25th, my husband and I celebrated 31 years of marriage! I love you Jack with all my heart, thank you for always being there for me, for accompanying to all my appointments when work permitted….my story is not over, I am looking forward to many years with you, looking forward to our week on Maui!

Ok, back to my appointment on the 27th. After Dr. Eko looked at the area he looked at me and said that he would need to do Another Revision. At this point, seriously my heart just sank! Of coarse I asked exactly what he planned on doing, Dr. Eko went on to describe the procedure. My husband and I waiting in the examination as they prepared the Procedure Room for me.

After administering plenty of Lidocaine he removed select staples in the trifurcation area. (I will be posting pictures, just do not scroll down if you do not wish to see them.) Slithers of irradiated skin was removed, then it was sutured. It was surreal, the area was well numbed up, but thru my body I could hear and feel (without pain) every stitch! My body was shaking uncontrollably, they covered my with a blanket….this was a pretty invasive procedure done in the office…my plastic surgeon and his wonderful M.A., Angelica made sure I was comfortable. My husband was in the room, a couple of times the blanket came off my feet and he tucked the blanket under my feet. It was nice having my husband in the room, Dr. Eko played smooth Jazz during the procedure, which was also very relaxing.

What’s next? I had a follow up appointment today April 30th, it went well. I am instructed not to lift my left arm above my head so the it doesn’t tug on trifurcation area. The doctor (and I) want this to heal!!! My husband and I will be going to Maui for one week, I will not be getting in the ocean, other than my feet….just plan on relaxing and visiting my Maui Ohana!

Microblading, on Wednesday May 2nd I will be getting my eye brows microbladed. Yes, the hair on my head has returned post chemo, however I have little to no eye brows! I will have to wear a hat while in Maui, which I’m okay with…just looking forward to not having to paint on my eye brows every morning to look normal! So grateful to the gals from the Cos Bar in Wailea that took the time to teach my how to apply my Tom Ford Eye Brow Kit.

 

****************************** SENSITIVE PICTURES BELOW************************

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On a daily basis my family stripped and documented the amount of fluid out put for two weeks until the drain was removed. Post op, my son Cisco took days from work and stayed home with me… he did really good, he only gaged once when some fibrous tissue was in the fluid!

 

 

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Damm, It looks like I had a “Radical Mastectomy”!

Here it is, I struggled with the decision to post this picture ….. but this is the reality of it. The Implant was removed with all the irradiated skin. Looking at the picture above my head is to the right with the tube going down. The stapled area that goes  up towards my axilla (armpit) is that darken circle that is seen on the first picture… that skin was removed, hence this result. The following picture was taken on April 27th, you will notice that the staples where it all trifurcates are gone. That is because on April 20th the plastic surgeon removed them, at this point they were  obviously just irritating the area. The area didn’t close which is why Another Revision was necessary. IMG_6071.jpg

I don’t have an after picture of the revision…my husband says it looks good, he has been doing the dressing changes, he has become quite the wound care specialist! I have instructions not to lift my arms above my head

My next follow up appointment, is on Monday April 14th. I will keep everyone posted with a shorter blog……I promise. If you have read to this point, many thank yous for taking the time out of your day to read my blog.

Pina

 

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#60 Mutated Gene and Plan B of Reconstructive Surgery

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My Hyacinths in full blossom

 

This blog will cover two topics, first I will discuss the “Mutated Gene” topic.

On December 20, 2017,  I received a phone call from my Genetics Counselor from Queens Medical Center, Oahu Hawaii. Allison was calling me to  inform me that one of my genes that was previously tested had been reclassified. Genetic result: Positive – Clinically Significant Mutation Identified ! Yes folks, I have a “mutated gene“……add that to the bucket. This mutated gene is the CHEK2 gene, which is for both Breast Cancer and Colorectal Cancer, (as if I didn’t have enough to worry about) My job was to inform my siblings, as they have a 50% chance that they inherited this mutated gene as well. If they test positive and their kids (my nieces/nephews) can be tested, however their risk factor is 25%, that they inherited this gene. I was provided with test results and information to pass on to my siblings should they choose to test, also my children (if they opt too) can now be tested. These blood test are extremely costly, someone without a first degree relative testing positive would have a difficult time convincing an insurance company to run and pay for this blood test, which also involves an office appointment with a Genetics Counselor. The fact that my sister and I were diagnosed within weeks of each other warranted my insurance to pay for my test.

And now on to topic number two:

The removal of my bilateral expanders and placement of the implants surgery happened on February 1st. Going in,  I knew, because my plastic surgeon was extremely thorough in explaining ALL scenarios that statistically I had a 35% chance that my irradiated tissue would not take well to the implant surgery. During the implant surgery the excess tissue was removed, before cancer I was a natural DD cup, now I am down sizing to a full “C”. Well this surgery was a little too traumatic for my irradiated breast tissue. Initially it appeared to be healing just fine, every day was better (even with a broken toe).

I think right now would be a good time for me to insert my disclaimer. ” I will be inserting sensitive pictures with this blog at the bottom of this blog, if you do not wish to look just scroll slowly I will tell you when to stop”

The Right side is healing just fine without any issues. But remember the right side did not have cancer, I had a mastectomy as a preventive measure on this side. My follow up appointment on February 21st with my PS went very well. We did discuss nipple options at this appointment which I will save for another blog. The a couple of weeks later I had Jack take a picture for me, I still had visible discolored areas (like bruises) which was normal. However, come March the darkened areas began to get larger. I did not have “pain” associated with the darkened areas….the area is numb like due to the mastectomy. Kind of like “Neuropathy of the boobs”…if that is such a thing. I had a couple of areas, actually three, that the scab fell off then appeared to be opening….and oozing (lymph and blood, not puss).  What the Heck!!!! My next follow up at this point was March 19th, which was the next week. My husband tells me not to wait and call my Surgeons office. After a long day of surgeries my Plastic Surgeon Dr. Eko offered to meet me at his office at 4pm. I drove myself to this last minute appointment…..I knew the darkened skin was not good, nor my new little peep holes! We talked about “implant failure due to irradiated skin” and that 35% bracket that he believes I was falling into. He ended up doing a “Revision” in the office, in which he cleaned it up and sutured it…..again. With the help of my friend Lidocaine and my PS’s gentle touch, I didn’t feel a thing! I went back the following week,  March 23rd to have those stitches removed…however it was obvious at this appointment that the openings were not closing up! The stitches stayed in and doctor extended my prescription for antibiotics and extended me one more office visit before making the decision to remove the left implant…..That appointment was yesterday March 30th.

The verdict is in, I am scheduled for surgery April 4th, to have the Left Breast Implant removed. Implant failure due to irradiated skin does not mean the end of reconstructive surgery for me, just means that “Plan  B” will now be the options for me. I briefly discussed plan B on a previous blog, blog number 52&53. However, after the implant is removed we will wait six months before determining which Autologous of Flap Reconstruction option I will have.

I realize this turned out to be a very long blog…thank you for reading to this point, I truly appreciate it. For those wondering why I would post sensitive pictures of myself? To reach out to those just starting their BC journey, to educate, I have lots of people reading my blog that are not related to me, one person from Spain, someone from Europe and Australia……….reconstructive surgery can go smoothly with out hiccups, or it can take multiple surgeries…just want you to know it’s not all Hollywood and Glamour.

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Right side healing accordingly the scar wraps around to the cleavage area

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Left side Feb 24th, healing nicely with slight briusing

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Left side March 3rd, at this point one obvious opening, more discolorisation

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Revision March 14th

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March 23rd, Radiated skin is not healing shut, darkening of skin more and more evident

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#59 Post Surgery

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Author unknown……..who wronged me…..Cancer

It has been 12 days since my surgery, every day is better. The expanders have been removed and the Saline Implants have been inserted. My surgery was done on an outpatient basis, therefore after a long day that started at 630 am, I came home that same day. The surgery itself took about 4hrs then about……honestly the drive home is a blur, I do remember it was already getting dark.

My husband picked up my medications (pain med and an anti-biotic) at our local pharmacy, the time on the receipt is 7:34 pm, so that gives you an idea of how long of a day it was. Once I was home I was fine, not nauseas, however all that changed a couple of hours after being home.

The vomiting started, apparently steamed broccoli and red rose potatoes with a dairy free cheese sauce is considered a “heavy meal”……..my discharge papers did say “regular diet”. However after calling the plastic surgeon to let him know of my inability to keep anything down, he said I should be on a light diet till my entire body wakes up from the effects of the anesthesia. He immediately prescribed Ondansetron for the nausea.

Dr Eko did offer to admit me into DRMC for one night following the surgery which I declined. My history from waking up with projectile vomiting after general anesthesia prompted this offer. I was not experiencing  nausea when he asked me this question, so I told him I wanted to go home that night. The anesthesiologist, fully aware of my history had given me anti-nausea medication during the surgery………..here is the sad part,  I immediately thought of the insurance and would an overnight stay be covered! My surgery that took place on August 22, 2017 did require an overnight stay, however the insurance is fighting paying the bill! They are challenging it saying that an overnight stay was not necessary. I don’t understand how they could think that it was not necessary….I should send them the picture from my blog with the four drains!!!

Speaking of drains, this surgery did not require drains, just stitches with a transparent dressing across the chest. The dressing was removed at my first post op appointment on February 7th. I am a little swollen, I do have completely mobility of the arms.

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The pink restricted arm band is due to my having my Lymphnodes removed on my left side when I had my mastectomy. I could only have blood draws and or I.V.’s on my right side now….this did not hurt, my veins were hiding. It bruised up pretty ugly, also bruised up at the wrist in two areas where she attempted to start the I.V., she was successful in the end…………I actually felt really bad for her, and I do remember when we were chatting I asked her how long she has been a nurse, it was 30 something years. At least she was gentle.

Whats next? I can not exercise (Pilates) for 6 weeks! I could only walk, however I think I might have broken a toe! Yes, that’s right…..I walked into a chair slamming my right foot into it. The bruise in now surfacing, the toe hurts like no other, I am beyond upset about it. My husband offered to go on a walk with me as he knows I want to do some type of physical activity. I put my tennis on, oh and it hurt. We walked down the street, I was in pain but refused to give in….I wanted to go walking! It was painful!!!!! When we got home and I took my tennis shoe off my foot was throbing…..can not believe I did that to myself. Jack had no clue as to the pain level, because I did not say anything!

If you have read to this point I thank you so much for reading my blog

My next follow up appointment is next week on the 21st, we will be discussing the procedure to create a nipple on my nippleless breast! Stay tuned!

Pina

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#58 Silicone Gel Implants !

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The final phase of reconstruction has arrived, tomorrow morning I will have my surgery.  My expanders, which I nicknamed “cinder blocks” will be removed and replaced with Silicone Gel Implants! Some people think, awesome ….you get implants! I’m sure I have said this before in a previous blog…..reconstructive surgery and a breast augmentation are two total different surgeries. An augmentation is an “enhancement” of you breast. Where as all my natural breast tissue and nipples have been removed and the implants will be placed to form a breast. Later, I will have nipples tattooed.

In the picture above, I am at my primary doctors office, this picture was taken today. The reason I was at the doctors today is because I ended up with a sore on/in my nose. I was placed on an anti-viral med and had to come see the doctor today. If the sore did not scab then my primary doctor was going to recommend that my surgery be delayed! Good results…it scabbed….the surgery is on!

The operating room is reserved for four hours tomorrow. I arrive in the morning, with pre-op time and post-op time, it could be a seven hour day. It is an out-patient surgery so I will be coming home tomorrow.

The pictures below were taken this past week end. I am so glad that my husband and I were able to get together with my cousins and spouses. Words can not express how much these two dahlings ( I know that is spelled wrong, that is the pronunciation we use) mean. My cousins have been so supportive through out this journey, besides my husband and kids.

 

Notice the label on the wine bottle says “Group Therapy”….that was the best group session ever!!!!

Maholo for taking the time to read my blog, I need to go take a shower with “Hibicleanse”  to prep for tomorrow.

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56: Hello 2018 !

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This past year has flown by so fast, looking back at 2017, I am amazed on where this Breast Cancer Journey has taken me. I took the picture above while on a walk with my nephew and his family in Oak Glen, near Yucaipa. Using my 84x zoom, from where we were we could not see all the nuts he was storing!!!!

My reconstructive surgery was on August 22, 2017. The expanders that were placed were inflated once a week for four weeks following the surgery post op appointment. Four inflation appointments starting on September 6th, ending September 25th. Definitely having this very large needle being pierced into your breast is not for the weak. My husband was with me for every appointment and watched as the Plastic Surgeon took the syringe, and injected the saline into the expander. Was in painful? Hell ya! I felt it more on the left side as the skin on the left was radiated ( 29 times!). The right side ironically,  where the PS injected was where my medi-port used to be, so the skin is deadened from the port being accessed for Chemo and subsequent monthly flushes, blood draw etc…….IMG_0876

The three month mark since the last expander inflation is fast approaching. The plan was to wait three months after the last inflation before doing the next surgery to exchange the expander for the implants. It would have been nice to have it done this year as we have met our deductible.

From Bricks to Cinder Blocks

Initially I called the expanders bricks….when all was settled they changed to cinder blocks….they are rock hard! Funny,  when I hug someone I find myself apologizing for my cinder blocks! They are really high up on the chest wall. The right side has dropped down some, but the left side is standing tall and proud!

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The mastectomies  where skin sparring, so when these expanders come out the excess tissue will be removed, the arrow is pointing the extra tissue on the left side. The straight lines are where the scares are, and remember I opted for non nipple sparring….the goal is NO reoccurrence ! I so plan on tattooing either 3D nipples or flowers covering the scars….who knows how adventurous I will get!

My appointment with my Plastic Surgeon is January 12th, at this appointment he will examine me and take pictures of me (without a top on) from the waist up ommitting my face, and he will have me remove my necklace, actually his nurse is the one that takes the pictures.  This series of pictures taken are for his use, so that he can plan his surgery on me, pictures were taken prior to this surgery as well.  I expect that the surgery will happen late January of early February….I’m anxious…I want to get this done.

Today is New Years Eve, my honey is sick so it will be a low key evening for us. I wish everyone A Happy New Year filled with Joy and Happiness, live life to the fullest, don’t take life for granted…….I would say that I am doing pretty dang good, but I would not wish this journey on anyone!   #F*%#cancer (pardon my french)

Mahalo for reading my blog…Pina

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54: Surgery Date Set

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It seems like just yesterday my breast cancer journey started. As a matter a fact this month marks two years since my diagnosis. It was August 18th that I had my biopsies that resulted with those dreadful words….”you have cancer”! Many of you have kept up with my journey via this blog, and I thank you for your messages and support.

Now that Chemotherapy, Left Breast Mastectomy and Radiation Treatment are behind me, it is now time for reconstruction! The decision to have a Right Breast prophylactic Mastectomy was an easy one for me as I am aware that I am high risk for a reoccurrence.   This past month (July) I had a little scare, I had a Breast MRI, and was called back for a second look on the right breast! I immediately thought “oh crap….here I go again”! Fortunately it was nothing and I was given to go ahead to proceed with the surgery! (sigh)

The surgery will happen on August 22nd, as of today I do not have a time. I will have two surgeons working on me. While the Breast Surgeon is performing the skin sparring mastectomy on the right side, the Plastic Surgeon will be placing an expander on the left side. When the PS is finished with the left side and the right side mastectomy is complete he will the place an expander on the right side. When I wake up, I will have four drains, two of which will be removed one week after surgery. The other two drains will be removed when fluid has subsided. After the scars have healed somewhat, the Plastic Surgeon will then start to fill (inflate) the expanders weekly till desired fullness has been reached. After about three months of healing and praying that my body does not reject the expanders, the expanders will be switched out with the implants. The goal is a C cup:)

People have to understand that this is Breast Reconstruction after treatment for cancer…..it is not an Augmentation…….huge deference! I am thankful for the medical team that I have, but most of all for my husband and family without them this journey would have been impossible,  I know that I am in good hands!!!

I always mention a little something about the picture I include with my blog. My husband  and I took a quick little getaway trip to Maui the last week of June. This sunset picture was taken using a sunset setting on my camera, it cracks me how people (tourist, visitors) leave the beach as soon as the sun disappears from the horizon. This pictures was taken approximately 20 minutes after the sun had set! Dependent on the clouds, there is usually a show of colors AFTER the sun has set….you just have to be patient….dinner can wait !

Mahalo for reading my blog

I just got a call from the hospital, they verified name and insurance etc…. they will call me the day before the surgery with the time of the surgery!

 

 

 

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52 & 53: Reconstruction

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I’ve never been one for selfies but I wanted to share how much my hair has grown and how curly it is! My hair BC (before cancer) was curly but not as curly as this…. I will take what I get as some women that were given Taxotere are not getting hair growth back.

June 20th marked one year since my last Radiation Treatment, I had a total of 29 rounds to the Left chest wall at The Pacific Cancer Institute on the island of Maui, from May 11th to June 20th. The plan all along has been to do delayed reconstruction. My team at PCI thoroughly explained skin care to me which I followed to a tee. The week after I started Radiation treatment I was referred to a physical therapist for John Barnes’ myofascial release technique massage. I saw my therapist twice weekly thru the month of July 2016.  I was also prescribed Mometasone Cream for me to “gently” apply post treatment. Hence, my skin flap is pliable, and not hardened.

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These pictures are of  just two types of reconstruction surgery known as Autologous of “Flap” Reconstruction. This is not the type of surgery I will have but the surgeon did go over the details of these two types of surgery. Reason being, IF my body rejects the Implant Reconstruction, this is “Plan B”. I will pray that my body does not reject the implants as these surgeries are more invasive.

 

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53:  A Show and Tell Moment

In February of this year at my first meeting with my Plastic Surgeon he gave me homework. He wanted me to research as to how many cc’s I wanted my implants to be. I told him on how before cancer my breast were not symmetrical, my left breast was larger than my right breast. Although this was not noticeable with clothes on, I was limited to style of bras and swimsuits because of this. So, I told him I wanted them to asymmetrical (same size)…..he smiled and said he can do that. My husband chimed in and asked the surgeon if he can place a set on my back so he would have something to hold on to when we slow danced!!!!! We burst into laughter….got to love my husbands sense of humor!!! ( I hope this doesn’t offend anyone)

So, how does one determine reconstruction size? You google it, Pinterest it, or simply ask a friend! I was at the Cancer Center talking to my good friend and fellow Mammography Technologist Extraordinaire. I mentioned my dilemma to her, before I know it Catherina and I are in the bathroom for A Show and Tell Moment. She was quite impressed with how pliable my skin sparring mastectomy is, as Mammographers we are oh too familiar with what a post radiated breast can look like. She showed me her implants and her size, decision made, I will shoot for a “C” cup! I also have to keep in mind and make it clear to my readers that mine is a “reconstruction, post mastectomy” and not a “breast augmentation”, so end result can vary…..I will have no nipples, they can get tattooed on later!

Exactly what is a Modified Radical Mastectomy, Skin Sparing? Basically my nipple was removed (I opted for non-nipple sparring) along with all the breast tissue. For those of you that have been following my blog from the beginning, you will recall that the Breast MRI that was done when I was first diagnosed found an additional cancer on my left breast,  4mm away from the fascia of the chest wall, straight back from the nipple at clock face 12:00. What is left behind is a deflated breast, all my breast skin was sparred minus the glandular tissue…….I have a deflated boob.

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I was in Redlands last week signing a release of medical records for my primary doctor in Palm Springs, he wants surgical notes of my Hysterectomy/Oophorectomy from 2009. (I sure am missing a lot of parts now!!). I stopped in at the Women’s Health Imaging Center to say hello to Renee, we chatted a bit about my blog amongst other things. I showed Renee this picture and how I wanted to share what a “skin sparring” mastectomy was. I took this the above picture after doing my exercises, I was cooling down, stretching. But I wanted to show more, I wanted to share the actual skin flap.

So what does a good friend do….offer to take photos for your blog!!! Renee and I quickly go into one of the mammography room, off comes my blouse, bra and Betty (that’s my prosthesis name) another Show and Tell Moment! Mahalo Renee for taking these pictures for me on a whim!

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Needless to say, I am ready for reconstruction. Today June 21st I went to the Plastic Surgeons office, the appointment went well. My husband Jack was with me. There was a moment of laughter when the topic of the prophylactic mastectomy was discussed, the surgeon asked if I was going to spare (keep) the right nipple? I said no, I don’t want to be like a one-eyed pirate when the nipple is hard! I closed one eye and said “arrrrggg”, the surgeon laughed……it was a funny moment. So what’s next? The  Breast Surgeon’s office will be contacting me to schedule labs, chest x-ray and an EKG. The surgery will then be scheduled. The Breast Surgeon Dr. Laura Lee will do the Right Prophylactic Mastectomy and the Plastic Surgeon will be doing the reconstruction placing the expanders. Post operative I will have four drains, two on each side. Two of them come off one week post-op. The other two come off after the fluid drainage has subsided. Expanders will be expanded every week until desired fullness is obtained. Then, three months later, like in December sometime the expanders will be switched out for the implants.

Holy smokes this is a long blog! If you read it to the end, many thank yous.

Mahalo, Pina

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49: Scale of 1-10

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Just a quick blog to keep you updated on my journey. Since moving back to California from Maui, I have established with my new medical team. As previously mentioned the prophylactic mastectomy (mastectomy of the non cancer breast) will happen in July. Since then I have been staying busy with multiple doctor appointments, monthly port flush, blood work etc….

Well somehow I managed to irritate my left wrist. Back in November of last year I remember my left wrist starting to ache. Because the Arimidex causes body aches I just brushed it off as a side effect of that. I don’t remember any trauma to my wrist, but maybe with packing, moving, coming back to Cali and gardening I did something to it. The pain is now traveling to my left shoulder, scapula and neck making everyday task extremely challenging….even typing this blog is uncomfortable not to mention driving!

An X-Ray of the wrist was negative, so tomorrow I will have a left wrist MRI. My primary doctor is determined to find the cause of my pain. I was asked on a scale of 1-10, 10 being worst what is your pain level….my answer 15! With certain movements of my wrist, I literally come unglued…..so painful.

This month I will also be having my follow-up Bone Density Scan and my Chest CT. I asked my medical team if these scans can be done the month of April instead of May, as come May 1st my insurance coverage is going to change (covered under husband, his company got bought out). I was just informed by the Cancer Center that we have almost met our deductible, if our insurance changes May 1st we will have to start over again…..just grateful to have insurance. I just hope that I don’t have to switch doctors, because I really like the doctors that I have established with.

The picture above is a Long Bearded Iris…..my wrist is hurting, but my flowers are beautiful!!!!

Mahalo for reading my blog

Pina

 

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42: RIP Bert

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At 615 pm Pacific Standard time my 56 year old sister Bert passed away from Stage lV Breast Cancer. My sister and I were diagnosed a little over a month apart. I was Stage lll, she was Stage lV. I chose to fight, she did not. I tried to talk her into changing her mind and to do treatment, ( told her we could be chemo buddies) but she did not want to. The doctors last year told her she would have about 2 months to live without treatment, which meant she would not make it past October 2015. I did Chemo, had surgery, then did Radiation Treatment, one full year of Herceptin Infusions, she chose to be medicated and wait for death. I get angry at times, especially with everything the family has had to endure because of her decision not to seek treatment. Family will do everything for a loved one, but when someone does not want to help themselves that task is challenging . The past couple of months have been especially hard for my family having my sister at home. The day-to-day challenges of keeping my sister from falling, cleaning her up after  uncontrollable incontinence. My sister was not herself anymore, she could not feed herself, she had been falling down, bruises all over her body from the falls. Social Services determined that it was time for a nursing home. She was placed in a nursing home in Yucaipa, ten days later she is gone.

In July when I went to visit my sister I had asked her if she regretted her decision not to do have treatment. With out hesitation she said “No”. She did tell me that she regretted letting them do the mastectomy. I described to her what would have happened to her breast if she refused the mastectomy. She just stared at me, she really didn’t respond. I think my sister had this vision that she would just close her eyes and pass. She did not think she would last a whole year after being told two months. None of us did.

To my sister Bert: I am so sorry that you were so unhappy on this earth that all you wanted to do was depart from it. I am sorry that you always referred to yourself as the black sheep of the family. I am sorry for the years that you alienated yourself from the family, you had your reasons for choosing to be distant. I am sorry that you did not love life enough to want to fight for it. You leave behind a beautiful daughter that is loved by everyone. You are free now, free of pain, free of cancer. I have been praying for you and will continue to. You are now with our other family members that have passed before us, rest in peace, God bless.

This morning here on Maui I did a 3 mile walk for breast cancer. It  was the second annual Spirit of Aloha walk against Breast Cancer. On the walk I ran into a friend that used to work for MDI. Adele and I talked for a little bit on the path, it was really nice running into her, she later then invited me over to a luncheon at a friends house. It just so happened that I did mammograms on three of the ladies at this luncheon. This group of ladies were amazing, I had opened up to them about my story, and the knew about my sister. I was at this luncheon when I got the news about Bert passing away. I am glad that I was not alone when I found out. It was meant for me to run into Adele, so that she would invite me to this luncheon. A couple of hours ago I received a phone call from Brian Burns the founder of this mornings Breast Cancer walk. He called to tell me that I won the “Grand Prize”, REALLY?  What an emotional day!

I won a two night stay at The Wailea Beach Marriott Resort & Spa! I received Brians phone call just hours after Berts passing. I told Brian that perhaps my sisters spirit had something to do with me winning the grand prize!

Mahalo for reading my blog.

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