42: RIP Bert

At 615 pm Pacific Standard time my 56 year old sister Bert passed away from Stage lV Breast Cancer. My sister and I were diagnosed a little over a month apart. I was Stage lll, she was Stage lV. I chose to fight, she did not. I tried to talk her into changing her mind and to do treatment, ( told her we could be chemo buddies) but she did not want to. The doctors last year told her she would have about 2 months to live without treatment, which meant she would not make it past October 2015. I did Chemo, had surgery, then did Radiation Treatment, one full year of Herceptin Infusions, she chose to be medicated and wait for death. I get angry at times, especially with everything the family has had to endure because of her decision not to seek treatment. Family will do everything for a loved one, but when someone does not want to help themselves that task is challenging . The past couple of months have been especially hard for my family having my sister at home. The day-to-day challenges of keeping my sister from falling, cleaning her up after  uncontrollable incontinence. My sister was not herself anymore, she could not feed herself, she had been falling down, bruises all over her body from the falls. Social Services determined that it was time for a nursing home. She was placed in a nursing home in Yucaipa, ten days later she is gone.

In July when I went to visit my sister I had asked her if she regretted her decision not to do have treatment. With out hesitation she said “No”. She did tell me that she regretted letting them do the mastectomy. I described to her what would have happened to her breast if she refused the mastectomy. She just stared at me, she really didn’t respond. I think my sister had this vision that she would just close her eyes and pass. She did not think she would last a whole year after being told two months. None of us did.

To my sister Bert: I am so sorry that you were so unhappy on this earth that all you wanted to do was depart from it. I am sorry that you always referred to yourself as the black sheep of the family. I am sorry for the years that you alienated yourself from the family, you had your reasons for choosing to be distant. I am sorry that you did not love life enough to want to fight for it. You leave behind a beautiful daughter that is loved by everyone. You are free now, free of pain, free of cancer. I have been praying for you and will continue to. You are now with our other family members that have passed before us, rest in peace, God bless.

This morning here on Maui I did a 3 mile walk for breast cancer. It  was the second annual Spirit of Aloha walk against Breast Cancer. On the walk I ran into a friend that used to work for MDI. Adele and I talked for a little bit on the path, it was really nice running into her, she later then invited me over to a luncheon at a friends house. It just so happened that I did mammograms on three of the ladies at this luncheon. This group of ladies were amazing, I had opened up to them about my story, and the knew about my sister. I was at this luncheon when I got the news about Bert passing away. I am glad that I was not alone when I found out. It was meant for me to run into Adele, so that she would invite me to this luncheon. A couple of hours ago I received a phone call from Brian Burns the founder of this mornings Breast Cancer walk. He called to tell me that I won the “Grand Prize”, REALLY?  What an emotional day!

I won a two night stay at The Wailea Beach Marriott Resort & Spa! I received Brians phone call just hours after Berts passing. I told Brian that perhaps my sisters spirit had something to do with me winning the grand prize!

Mahalo for reading my blog.